When Love Listens First

𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘀 𝗙𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁

When my birthday was coming up, my wife asked me, “How do you want to celebrate your day?” and I was tempted to be honest...

Now, if I was honest, my perfect birthday would have been this: 𝗮 𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗯𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴. No responsibilities. No deadlines. Just me, my controller, and video games. A huge break from everything!!! That’s my definition of rest and celebration.

But for my wife, that would not have felt like a celebration at all. To her, a 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗯𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗵𝗱𝗮𝘆 might look like going out, inviting friends, and making it big—because that’s what she enjoys.

And that’s when it hit me: so often, we love people the way 𝘄𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗱, then get frustrated when they don’t appreciate it. But love was never supposed to be about what fills us; it’s about what fills them.

Paul said it best in 𝗣𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗶𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗮𝗻𝘀 𝟮:𝟰 (𝗡𝗞𝗝𝗩):

“Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”

True love is selfless. It asks questions. It seeks to understand. It says, “How can I serve you in a way that speaks your language?” Even Jesus demonstrated this—He met people where they were: He didn’t preach to fishermen in the temple; 𝗛𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗯𝗼𝗮𝘁𝘀 (Luke 5:1–11). He didn’t tell the hungry crowd to fast; 𝗛𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 (Mark 6:34–44). He didn’t wait for Zacchaeus to change; 𝗛𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗵𝗶𝗺 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 (Luke 19:5–6).

Love meets people where they are, not where we wish they would be. So, the next time you want to “love” someone, pause and ask:

𝗜𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁, 𝗼𝗿 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁?

𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗜 𝗮𝘀𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺?

𝗔𝗺 𝗜 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝘀𝗮𝗸𝗲—𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝘆 𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁?

Because in the end, real love is not about how grand the gesture feels to you—it’s about whether it speaks to them.

𝗪𝗵𝗼 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀?